Friday, 7 November 2008

Collectable Connectables

Cars are popular with kids. At that age, you couldn't drive (legally at any rate) and so had to rely on little toy ones to take you places, and dream of the day when you get your own keys and can loop the loop and zoom about on glow in the dark racetracks like your parents obviously do. What else are cars for?

But this was soon not enough for children! They wanted more - cars with robots inside them, cars with sticky patches that let them drive over windows, cars that lit up when you stepped on them. But then the suited execs came up with an idea to rule over all others - cars that snapped in half!

Here is my entire collection of... Connectables. Basically they were like your normal toy cars, yet made of plastic and broken into square units. Different vehicles could then be broken apart and then reformed - like so! Lego in car form! Oh, the possibilities were endless...

 Kid#1 - Wow, I've made a racing car with wings!

Kid#2 - And I've made a tank what flies and has lots of cockpits.

Kid#1 - Erm....

Kid#2 - [Staring at his flying racing tank] Hurm...

Kid#1 - Let's go kill some animals!

Kid#2 - And steal stuff from old people! Yeah!

So Connectables were responsible for all crime ever. But really, what's the point? Ooh, a car with wings, pass the tissue box. Once the initial thrill was over, the sheer idiocity of the whole sorry affair came though, along with the banging of your head against the wall screaming "Why? WHY?" The answer? "Because we CAN." Do you want a plane-car? A tank-...car? A car-car? Connectables has the answer.

That, folks, is the same reason that scientists made mice grow ears. Not because they desperately needed them, but because it had seemed a laugh the night before, down the pub. Spandau Ballet began in much the same way. 

More was needed to make Connectables exciting - and these things were made. Now you could build a plane-car-tank which also had a "Whatsit" attached. BUT, and now this is the big but, press the buttons and the clear bits would light up and go "weewooweewoo." Money in the bank, folks. I quite liked these actually, since they were silver and had transparent parts that flashed, as if they came from the future directly to my bedroom.

Unfortunately it is impossible to take a picture of them lighting up. I have about 10 reels of useless film that are now witnesses to this fact. Stupid things.

And how will your stupid vehicle move? With a stupid engine, of course. Do you know nothing? What happens is that you put some segments in the middle, and the whole thing drags and scrapes along the ground. Zoom zoom indeed. 

 Really, there's nothing more I can possibly write about this ever. Just look at it! What sort of twisted fun could ever be had from a monster like that? The only good thing that Connectables were for were to pretend to your parents that you had broken them (by snapping it in half) and get them to buy you something better. Like a stick.

1 comment:

  1. can these things still be bought i used to love these when i was a kid and i think my two would love them too

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