Monday, 3 November 2008

'Amazing' Costumes

Being such a social moth, I am often invited to parties. Putting on my thick clothes, I flutter towards any lit window and crash through, mingling with my good friends as they point and scream in happiness.

Of course most people like to dress up, and since I am fantastic, I must always wear the best stuff. Perhaps you want to copy me and be awesome? Below are a selection of some of the various costumes I have worn to my scummy parties. Apologies for the amount of photos of myself.

Matt Trakker
Guttingly this is the only photo that remains of this costume. I was invited to a party where the theme was 'Masque' so of course, I 'hilariously' misunderstood the theme and came as Matt Trakker from the cartoon / toyline 'MASK'. The jumpsuit was a boiler suit I purchased second hand, and the patches were all expertly sewn on by my fair hand. Note: using electrical tape for the straps was a very very bad idea, especially since they swung round the crotch in a tight, stretchy motion full of agony.

Some people enjoy that sort of thing. Not me.

The helmet was made from a lot of cardboard, spray-paint and a pair of goggles kindly and unknowingly donated by a housemate. Unfortunately it didn't have any of the sweet Spectrum effects of the real helmet. That is for version two.

This was one of my first costumes at University. I wanted to be a knight, so I constructed a costume out of bin bags and tin foil. Thus I created a... bin-bag-tin-foil thing. It was a really poor effort and as the night went on, it went downhill... I have no idea what happened here either. Moving on.

The Punisher
I went through a period of really loving the Punisher. And so for one party, I turned up as the Punisher. Cool hair? Check. Gun? Check. T-Shirt? Check. Coat? Check. Polar Bear? Check.

Oh yes, polar bear. Next to me is my housemate Greg, who dressed up as the Ninth Doctor. His costume was pretty much what he normally wears, but holding a 'POLICE BOX' sign. Well done Greg. 

The Island
I don't like to be thought of as unoriginal. So I turned up to a party as the Island from Lost. On my grassy green visage were diagrams of the island lovingly drawn by my fair hand. The foil thing is an actual opening hatch, and there is even a crashed plane! Of course, the actual plane from Lost wasn't an F-15, but then again the actual Island didn't have a sweet goatee, so some suspension of disbelief is allowed. The plane I used was a knockoff Starscream, which was of such awful quality it soon resembled a plane wreck.

The polar bear made another appearance, and I finished it off with specially made Island DHARMA beer. Upon arriving at the party, the first words were "Matt why have you come as a pool table?"

Again, my housemate Greg came along. He decided to go as a Lego man, the saving grace of this costume being the fact it completely covered his face, resulting in a more pleasant evening for all.

Not quite going to plan, my costume for my friend Tony's party was supposed to be a pirate, but in fact it looked like I had been in a fight with a curtain, and the curtain won. I just told everyone I was a cut-price hobbit, and made my excuses to leave.

Greg went as a ninja, his costume consisting of a t-shirt over his head. It was too pathetic to even document here. 

Posh Guy
Here I am dressed as an English gentlemen. How dapper.

...Oh wait, that is how I dress normally :(

Fire Eater
The theme was the circus, and so I decided to be a fire eater. Early experiments with a bucket of petrol and a lighter ended in painfully crispy failure, so instead I cut out flames from foam and sellotaped them to my coat. It actually looked pretty decent, and what's more important, I didn't look a tit wandering about the streets. 

The Riddler
This was for a quiz night, and, well, guess who hadn't seen any Batman for a good while! This costume took many long minutes to create and ended up with myself being tied to a chair and laughed at by drunk students. The extra question marks made sure I looked really mysterious. Unfortunately the only real mystery was 'why?'

A rather poor one this, but this cowboy outfit became the theme for my rather successful election campaign for the Student Union. I got to dress as a cowboy all the time, which was done tastefully via hat, shirt, belt and badge. My friends however, got to be evil bandits. I designed the bandit outfits myself, composed expertly from a neon orange curtain, cardboard moustaches, and gardening hats.

Here is my friend Mark modeling his outfit. I can't mock him too much though, since he actually pulled wearing that, while my cowboy smoothness just netted me a drunken sobbing stupor. I can't work girls out...


  1. I think I was there for a worryingly high proportion of those. I hope you are still costuming up!

  2. "Guttingly this is the only photo that remains of this costume."

    I beg to differ :D

  3. It was the poncho.

    Women LOVE a man in a poncho.

  4. Now that i've actually watched some Lost, the pool table outfit is far more impressive :-)

  5. I thought briefly that one day I should do a post like this. Then I realised that every single fancy dress costume I've ever attempted has involved me wearing my black leather trenchcoat and glowering at people...

  6. Wow you don't at all look like the kind of guy who writes sub-par articles and plays with transformers. Just kidding, you look just like I expected.