Monday, 1 December 2008

Alpha Trion vs Emirate Xaaron

For years there has been one question that has burned within humanity, one truth needing to be discovered before the dawning of perfection. No, not the path to eternal life, nor the location of Atlantis, but...
Who would win -
Alpha Trion vs Emirate Xaaron

What do you mean who are they? Like Rocky vs Mr T; God versus Satan, this eternal struggle is one that has gripped the nation... oh all right, I admit I didn't know who Alpha Trion was until a few years ago, being a Brit. But both were leaders of the Autobots, Alpha Trion in the cartoon, Xaaron in the comic. Nope, not Prime, he was just the military commander, don'tcha know? Anyhow, since they both occupy the same position... one has to go. And so in my truly unbiased way, I shall compare Emirate Xaaron, hero of my childhood, with the filthy scum called Alpha Trion.

Looks
First off, we shall examine Emirate Xaaron. Now, both these characters are extremely old, being the bosses and all. Let's look at Xaaron 4 million years ago:

 Xaaron obviously hasn't been getting much sleep lately, judging by the black rings around his eyes. Well, with the evil Cons pushing ever closer to Iacon, cold you blame him? Also a bit chubby... but by the time we meet him in the present he looks like this:

 See, in the intervening years, Xaaron has got fit... lost a bit of weight. He's obviously a very health-conscious Bot. And he's shiny-shiny-shiny gold. Mmm. Not that I'm biased or anything. When he moved to the US comic, Xaaron even had the foresight to buy a new can of gold paint and colour his head gold too. Clever, brave chap.

And now we come to Alpha Trion:

Look at yourself man - a disgrace! Call yourself leader of the Autobots? Alpha Trion tries too hard.. with his weird red and blue clothes and freakish facial hair. Take a shave, Xaaron did. Trion has decided to mock his position via the wearing of comedy Timmy-Mallet-style glasses, deriding his cause. How can you take someone like that seriously?

Round 1:
Trion 0Xaaron 1


Tidiness
Being leader-types, both characters had their own bases. But which has kept theirs the most tidy?

 We can see Xaaron's base is quite tidy... I bet he tidies it himself, being the brave soul that he is, never afraid to muck in with the chaps. But he has one flaw - he can never seem to keep it tidy for long - there's always someone popping round to muck everything up

Tut

Aaaw

So Xaaron loses a few points here. But consider this - it's only a massive explosion or the servants of the Dark God Unicron himself who possibly have the power to muck up Xaaron's sweeping, and that's got to count for something.

What about Alpha Trion then? Looking at his base, it looks very clean.. suspiciously clean, one might say. Almost as if he doesn't use it! He must be like those rabid fan collectors who buy a video but don't open it, instead keeping it in it's packaging to be admired, or in Trion's case, keeping a Megadeath Killazap 9000 ray in it's box rather than use it against the Decepticons. Such shoddy leadership should be mocked!

It's also worth noting how secret Trion's base is. In the Transformer episode "The Search For Alpha Trion," Optimus Prime's girlfriend/sister (I'll explain later) is mortally injured - and Prime must find her creator, Alpha Trion, to repair her! And so begins the titular Search For Alpha Trion... except that in the very next scene, Prime has found Trion's base. Not very secret now, is it, hmm? It's laxity like that that loses Trion this round.

Round 2:
Trion 0
Xaaron 2


Transformation
Neither of these characters had a toy. The explanation for this is simple - Trion wasn't popular enough, and any toy of Xaaron would have been a mockery - he was much too cool. So their alternate-modes are a mystery, since neither Transformed. Still, there are clues as to their vehicle modes.

First up, Xaaron. Now, we know he has a vehicle mode, since in the classic UK story "City of Fear" he was up against an insane Autobot, and had to try to transform into his battle mode - but the strain might kill him! How heroic! As it happened, he was able to whump Flame's aft single-handedly with only a tiny amount of help from Trypticon and half the Autobot army, so we never discover his alternate mode. But I bet it's something damn devastating, Xaaron being cool and everything. The little paper figure of Xaaron that sits on my computer has an alt mode of a hovercraft. And that's good enough for me.

Alpha Trion however, is a trickier problem. From the look of him, he has no discernible alt-mode. However, using my l33t photo-manipulation skillz, I can accurately reproduce what his alt-mode most definitely IS, by taking all things such as the degree of plate rotation and the shape of his body as a guide. Below is his alternate mode. The process I have used is so accurate that there is no chance of error:

 As can be seen, Trion's alt-mode is not very practical at all. Xaaron wins again.

Round 3:Trion 0Xaaron 3


Bravery
How brave are these respective characters though?

Xaaron is certainly very brave, as he is so cool. Just look at his single-handedly taking on of a psychotic madman on his own as mentioned before. And in Target:2006 he needed bait for a trap.. so he used himself instead. What a guy! Of course, Xaaron had a Spock complex, but that's hardly a failing now, is it? Always wanting to chuck himself in nuclear reactors and all that...

Trion by comparison is a different matter. What's wrong old man, too afraid to venture outside from your 'secret' base? Just want to cower in darkness and send women out to do your work? You sicken me.

Xaaron wins.

Round 4:
Trion 0
Xaaron 4


Attitude
But what are the personalities of the characters in question though? Xaaron is obviously a right hard-ass, as seen from the picture of him 4 million years ago at the top of the page. He calls Tomaandi a fool! See - no-one messes with Xaaron without being dissed, not even Tomaandi! Let us see another example to Xaaron's cool powers:

The scene so far - the Micromaster Battle Patrol have been captured and dissected by the Decepticons.
 Roadhandler thinks he knows what going on. He ASSUMES too much - watch out Roadhandler, Xaaron's about to DISS YOUR ASS.

And there it comes, from the hard man himself. Tough Xaaron! Diss Roadhandler, Xaaron! Heh, you sure made him think twice with your bad-ass muther-f*cking attitude.

Alpha Trion's attitude on the other hand is decidedly more dodgy. I spoke earlier about the episode The Search For Alpha Trion. Prime takes the damaged Elita-1 to Alpha Trion to be repaired. Now, later in the series it is revealed that Alpha Trion rebuilt a guy called Orion Pax into Optimus Prime, as well as building Elita-1. So they are technically siblings. And lovers. Eeew. If this wasn't bad enough this, this disgusting, dirty old man tells Prime that the only way to save her is to take a plug from Prime's lower torso and 'plug' it into Elita's lower torso. Eeew, kinky. Obviously Alpha Trion is some kind of weird pervert. So he loses.

Round 5:
Trion 0Xaaron 5


Death
Being leader-types, both of these characters had to die. Now, I don't know too much about Alpha Trion's death, but apparently he had to merge with the super-computer Vector Sigma. Erm... woo

Xaaron, on the other hand, merged with a freaking GOD! Yup, he combined with Primus, the creator of the Transformer race, and took on Unicron himself. See, that's slightly better than a poxy computer. And what's more, Xaaron nearly beat Unicron.
 He. Nearly. Beat. Unicron.

Only Unicron was powerful enough to kill Xaaron - that's how amazingly tough Xaaron was. And look how scared Unicron was when Xaaron DISSED him. He's dissin' you, Unicron! Run!

Round 6:Trion 0Xaaron 6


And so we come to the end of our study. In this fair, unbiased, scientific test, Emirate Xaaron has come out on top, proving him to rule all. And that, my friends, is why a paper model of Emirate Xaaron sits atop my computer, rather than that pretender to the throne, Trion.

And as for Alpha Trion?
Look, he's covered in flies. Millions of filthy, filthy flies for a filthy, filthy man.

9 comments:

  1. Haha. Never thought I'd see a blog about these two. Xaaron (or whatever) though should lose about 4 million points though just for being the lamest Transformer ever to grace fiction and not to mention the ugliest. Somebody cut those strings in his mouth!

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  2. Bull. Alpha Trion is so cool when not doing anything at all that before his Shattered Glass counterpart even did anything people are already afraid.

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  3. Okay, this comparison was absolutely, utterly glorious. I laughed out loud at each round.

    What an amusing--not to mention, completely and utterly objective--study you have have conducted, my good sir! 8D

    Seriously, Xaaron is just absolutely incredible. <3

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  4. a 14 year old self taught american G1 transformers scholar named Bryce Allen Miller21 September 2010 at 20:50

    This is VERY biased if you ask me. I read the whole comparison and I get that since you're British you naturally like the characters you grew up with. You said that Alpha Trion was the Autobot leader, BUT it was actually Optimus Prime. The reason he never fought was that he was not built for combat. Optimus Prime and Elita-1 were both boyfriend and girlfriend before they were rebuilt by Alpha Trion, and were rebuilt t because Megatron had nearly killed them both. AND don't think I'm biased, because I have read a lot of the british TF comics. The wire Alpha Trion had optimus prime connect himself to Elita-1 with was to recharge her spark with his own. The reason he had Elita-1 carry out her mission in "The Search for Alpha Trion" was, again, because he was not a combatant and was most liely not close enough to shockwave's command center to rescue prime. And why would you think Emirate Xaaron dissing his troops be "cool", it maes him seem like a jerk, and, if Optimus Prime were leader in your countries comics, he would have went himself, along with a few others, to rescue the micromaster battle patrol team. The reason Alpha Trion merged with Vector Sigma was because Megatron had stolen the Key to Vector Sigma and that was the ONLY way to activate it to give life to the aerialbots. Alpha trion was also the one who freed the Transformers from enslavement by the Quintissons, which you had neglected to mention. You also said that he had an alt. mode, but as seen in "Desertion of the Dinobots", the Autobots invented the art of transformation to help fight back to the decepticons, which would mean, with Alpha Trion's age and all, he would not be able to transform. Also the "flies" buzzing around Alpha Trion were drawn in using either a photoediting software, or something like MS Paint. FINALLY, to prove my being unbiased i own the Ultimate Guide to Transformers, have read a version older than the one I own, and have watched numerous G1 TF episodes.

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  5. Xaaron licks yarbles after a good round in his tradesmen's entrance. Long live Alpha Trion!

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  6. Hmm, you seem to be in the ownership of several Alpha Trion misconceptions, so I shall attempt to point you into a more proper direction. Not that Xaron isn't cool, but let's be a little more grounded in this otherwise humorous mockery.

    1) Tidiness
    As I recall in Key to Vector Sigma, Trion's lab was throughly trashed, at the very least by the cons and quite possibly before them, so the fact that you have a picture of his base cleaned means he DOES take care in it's condition. Also, anyone who's building LIFE can hardly be leavign tools in their packaging. Did Xaaron do that? No? I didn't think so. Which is more Autobot-y? Life? Or murdering your allies? Trion chose Life.

    There's also a flaw in your Prime/Elita siblings theory. By your logic, if a Surgeon saves my llife and then saves some other random girl, she's my sister. I don't think so. Now, if Prime and Elita had come from the same kitbox, then you'd be absolutely correct, but they were two normal lifeforms who recieved Emergency Sergury at the same time, possibly with a few transplanted organs, which is also not uncommon. And I fail to see anything kinky about a transfusion.

    And secret? Why can't a patient know the location of a base? Hasbro cut out a lot of serching yes, but if ypu've been there, why would one get lost?

    Of Altmodes:
    Seeing as Xaaron and Trion are of the same age, then the argument stands that Trion too was not able to transform. So instead of carrying around excess parts that could break and cause him pain, he simply selected the option for the actionmaster look over trying to maintain it. And I fail to see any altmode cues on Xaaron either.

    Also of note, the name of the race is Cybertronians, not Transformers. Though most of them in fact are, the Episode when we met A3, (youg Trion) Also didn't appear to be able to Transform, nor his allies (I don't believe, could be wrong) So mayhaps, he's been such a successful leader without an altmode. Effectively, with one hand tied behind his back. Can Xaaron claim that?

    Anyone else noticing that Xaaron doesn't have an effective mouth? All he has are thee slits like the Man in the Iron Mask. Displaced Atobot leader? Or someone who's deformed at creation and had it partially stitched shut

    Poxy Computer: HAH! You make me laugh. Surely it occurs to you that Vector Sigma is in fact Primus' heart and soul? It CREATES life, it contains his vast wealth of knowledge. Primus took a much less active role in the cartoon, as he was barely even noted, But a fusion between Trion and Primus did in fact happen, so the debate is whether Comic Primus was better than cartoon Primus based on how much he got involved in their lives. Also, the Simga nodes were revealed in more modern comics to be interconnected on a dimensional scale, so when Xaaron/Primus whent against Unicorn, it's EASILY argueable that there was also a mixture of Trion in there. So Nyah!

    Besides, That was Primus power in Xaaron's chassis. He was a vessel. If that was Xaaron himself, Unicron would have squashed him like a bug. It's no different than Rodimus Prime, Uni doesn't care about him, he cares about that magic-8 Discoball with handles that could kill him.

    Flies?
    I fail to see flies, instead I see grease streaks, no doubt from a hard day's work. Why was Xaaron always so clean? Did he ever DO anything?

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  7. PS. How many figures are there of Xaaron? Your little Paper doll? Trion has his own repaint of another figure (still more than Xaaron) a PVC figurine (meh) and even a planned but unreleased Beast Wars incarnation, due more to the fact that the hosting agent fell through then the figure itself.

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  8. Please tell me these guys are really taking this seriously.
    The comments are even funnier than the article.

    All I want to know is how come you missed the animated series as a kid?
    Saturday mornings in the Uk was always TF time in my house, even back in the 80's

    Keep up the amazing unbiased reviews.

    P.S you also missed out on how cool it was of Xaaron to steal Megatrons head.
    Twins if ever I saw them

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