Sunday, 14 December 2008

The ORIGINAL Odd Couple

The house at 12 Sim Road was for sale... but who were the mystery buyers? Two different owners, who had no idea of who the other was who purchased it, to live as roommates... they were Optimus Prime and Megatron! Oh, the HILARITY!

Megatron decided to put his differences aside with Prime for once. After all, a war is a bit impossible to pursue when you're shacked up with the leader of your enemies. And anyway, he had Shockwave to sort everything out at work. Sadly Prime's PA was Ultra Magnus, Shockwave's opposite in only the fact that Shockwave is efficient and good at his job, and Magnus... well...

Anyhow, the twin pressures of having a delusional, pessimisic, suicidal assistant pursue the war; and living with Megatron, tyrannical leader of the Evil Decepticons caused Prime to go slightly mad.
 
Prime was forever setting fire to things in the kitchen at the dead of night, waking Megatron up in his pyjamas. If this wasn't bad enough, Prime's womanising came to the fore. Every night, he'd invite a new "bit of crumpet," as he termed them, round to "do the business." Megatron, disgusted at Prime's lax morals, decided to take photos of Prime's dalliances, and show them to Elita-1, Prime's long-term-girlfriend. But Prime found the pictures and beat the crap out of Megatron.

 
Defeated, Megatron was forced to do all the cleaning up.. as well as the other less likeable tasks. Prime also made Megatron get another job, as a 2-bit salesman, so Prime could afford to sleep in. Megatron's anger grew.. but he had a plan.

  
Megatron: Hey Prime, my friend, take a look at this small concrete shed miles from anywhere

Prime: Screw you. Where's my tea

Megatron: Erm.. I put it in the shed.. yeah... for safekeeping...

Prime: It better be good..

*SLAM*

Megatron: Heh. Heh. Heh

A quick spot of redecorating later, and Megatron was finally at home. In order to celebrate, he decided to invite all his friends round. Being an Evil Villain (TM) though, he had no friends, so just dialled random numbers until he found a real one.

Meanwhile, in the House of Evil...

Colonel Sanders: Who wants some finger lickin' good beef?

Stone Cold Steve Austin: Beef?

Colonel Sanders: Chicken... beef... eyeballs... all the same in my restaurants. It's JIVIN'!

Cobra Commanda: Shut it you two, I'm watching my tv monitors.. monitors for WORLD DESTRUCTION! BWAH HA HA HA

Stone Cold Steve Austin: ...

Colonel Sanders: ...Well, that was jolly. Now who wants some congealed pig fat... I mean special sauce?

[The phone rings]

Colonel Sanders: Yo, I'm Jivin'! Finger lickin' good! The Colonel here... oh, a party? Jivin'! We'll be there!

Cobra Commander: What's this?

Colonel Sanders: Oh... nothing...

Soon, all the guests had arrived, and the party was in full swing.

Megatron: Ah, Sanders.... Kane... It's good to know all the evil geniuses are here. And I see you've brought the totty. I've been so sexually frustrated these past days.

Colonel Sanders: But you're a jivin' robot

Megatron: You've never browsed deviantart, my friend!

 
Colonel Sanders: Wowee! Megatron, this cabbage curry sure is finger-lickin' good! Jivin'!

Megatron: Gaa... stop SAYING THAT. And anyway, it's turkey... you know, like chicken?

Colonel Sanders: Why my boy, I don't have anything to do with chickens. My restaurants stock only the finest orphans.

But it was too good to last. Even with Prime out of the way, evil still stalked the streets of Sim Road... the pigs had arrived, to cruelly curtail Megatron's party of degradation, sluttishness and loutish behaviour. And the wine-tasting, which was deemed the worst offence.
 
Megatron: Who could've dobbed me in to the police..? YOU!

Cobra Commander: Well, YOU didn't invite me to your lame party.

Megatron: Bwah! Jealous because my party was too COOL for you? Take that!

*THWAP*

Cobra Commander: [Crying] You're sooooo mean!

Megatron: Argh.. that voice.. so horribly familiar... get out of here you freak.. scram

 
Embittered, Cobra Commander decided to release Optimus Prime from his captivity, in order to defeat Megatron's vile scheme to have a good time. But in the shadows, Megatron's evil, wicked creations lurked...

Prime: What.. what's that noise? What fiendish creatures are stalking me? Hell-hounds? Sentinel Death Machines?

Bagpuss#1: Miaow

Prime: Nooooooooooooo

 
Very soon, Prime was overpowered by Megatron's devilish creations.

Bagpuss#2: Miaow!

Prime: Nu...nuh... can't.. carry on... too powerless....

[From the distance comes the sound of music]

Prime: No... Megatron.. enjoying himself... must stop him...

Bagpuss#3: Miaow?

Prime: [Getting to his feet] It's time to clean up around here!

 
 Prime: Megatron! What's going on? Why did you redecorate? Where's my bed? Where's the shower? And more importantly, where's the loo? I've been locked in a concrete shed for nearly a day...

Megatron: You're too late Prime. I've sold them all. For money!

Prime: Even the loo?

Megatron: Especially the loo. Bwah!

Prime: I see... and what did you do with the cash? Buy a Mega-Death-Ray to enslave the planet no doubt?

Megatron: Erm.. no actually. I bought this COOL stereo from a man in a van. But I didn't even think about the death ray idea. Darnit.

Prime: Too late. I'm gonna have to kick your ass and piss over you

Megatron: I'd like to see you try - argh!

 Megatron: Mercy, I beg of you!

Prime: Oh, sod this for a game of soldiers. *BANG* Right, I'm off to find somewhere to sleep

 
 But as Prime slept, Megatron bought a massive stick and hit Prime repeatedly over the head with it, before dragging him into the middle of the road to get run over. However, fate intervened...

Widescreen TV: Stop right there, you 80's throwbacks

Megatron: Who dares summon me?

Widescreen TV: Me, and my army of mini TVs. Now get back to where you belong - the land of the A-Team and He-Man. And leave this year for cool shows, such as... uuuh... just die!

*ZAP*

EPILOGUE

Runamuck: Hur hur... now I'm leader of the Decepticons... hur hur.... Oh. I'm bored now.

1 comment:

  1. i love the Bazooka of Megatron, i don't understand why they did not include it on the movie ;`"

    ReplyDelete