Monday, 19 January 2009


"Don't play with your food, Matty Boy", my mum would scream as I moulded my bangers and mash into intricate scale models of World War II jet planes. Of course, my fascination with food instead of toys came to a head that dark day in Mcdonalds where a police swat team had to take me down after I modelled a working glock out of a Happy Meal bag and a few Chicken McNuggets.

Of course, spending every dinner time chomping down on MASK and Thundercats figures didn't do much to help.
Living life in a crazy upside-down fashion is now something I have grown out of. But food company Red Mill have driven dump trucks into my malformed childhood brain and seemingly shovelled out bucket loads of gooey insane ideas. Because they have finally done what Kinder Egg could only dream of - successfully combined toys and food into one!
Transform-A-Snack, the perfect hybrid! The crest of toys (transforming things) and food (corn-based snacks). For just 20p you can buy a whole bag of these miniature marvels. What’s more, is that they'll only slightly kill you through fatty ingestion.

Upon opening the bag, I wasn't sure what to expect. The packet promised marvellous flying machines bristling with lasers and little pilots. Corn based snack modelling doesn't seem to have come very far however, and the sculpt on the figures is very basic. Many are misshapen and irregular, hardly the basis for a bestselling toy line!

The toys also seem to come in kit form, in little pieces without instructions. It is assemble-it yourself. Red Mills could at least have thrown in a bio on the back or a bag of screws. Sadly the only thing keeping these together is good old mother gravity. And some glue, if you have any.

Also Red Mill has scrimped on the painting. Normally toys would be painted many colours, but all these pieces are just one base colour! Still, with these limitations, let us see what these snacks can transform into!

As I said, they didn't have instructions, so I had to improvise. This is what I believe one of the alternate modes could be. It is a car. I can't quite tell what type it is, but I believe it to be a monster truck of some kind. With a tail. Sadly the wheels don’t move round, which is a bit of a design flaw, but it is about the same scale as a Hot Wheels car!
This little fellow is obviously a plane with a propeller, with a little cockpit. Sadly Red Mill hasn’t made it aerodynamic, which detracts from the realism of this action figure. I also cannot find any missiles which it can fire. Including some spring-loaded chip sticks could have made the world of difference!
I wasn't sure what the robot mode could be. For the plane, I imagine it would turn into some sort of crispy Jesus, tasting of delicious forgiveness. Forgiveness, it seems, tastes of pickled onion. One of my friends is allergic to onion, so there's no savory forgiveness for HER blackened husk of a heart. Eh, Corn Snack Jesus?
This is what I feel to be the main robot mode. It transforms smoothly from car to this imposing beast. Yes, the transformation is simple but I guess you get what you pay for. It doesn't have any way to hold weapons, it seems, nor any weapons. Also prolonged play can make your hands greasy which is another fault in the design.
The robot mode seems to scale with the Transformer Minicons, which is obviously intentional. In comparison, the Minicon is expertly sculpted and articulated, whilst the Transform-A-Snack has a blobby, unfinished appearance, and any attempts to move the arms are met with crunchy, delicious failure. Still, I expect this to be ironed out in the upcoming waves of "Beef" and "Spicy" which I eagerly anticipate.
The Transform-A-Snack can still attach onto Minicon ports on Transformers, making a tasty alternative to the plain plastic posing of the Minicons. Unfortunately this stuffs the Minicon port full of greasy corn, which no amount of suckling at its teat will dislodge. Red Mill really should have thought of this before launching this toy range!

So there we have it. An action figure. A vehicle. A tasty snack. Transform-A-Snack is all of these and more, and has really transformed my opinion of what a meal should be like. These brave crunchy robots will take pride of place on my toy shelf, that’s for sure!

1 comment:

  1. watch out, the current website for Transform A Snack is filled with malware and other dubious things.