Thursday, 5 March 2009

Transformers Universe Reviewed - In Poetic Form

The Universe line is pretty brill,
Each new release gives me a thrill.
Now sit back and have a great time,
As I review these figures in the medium of rhyme.

“Arise Galvatron!” The dark god Unicron cried,
Had had he seen this he may well have sighed.
A purple, fragile work of art,
Touch him and he’ll fall apart.

Acid Storm
Goofy repaints are my cup of tea,
You can imagine how delightful this was to me.
Really though is there anything neater,
Than to receive an obscure cartoon Seeker?

He could have been green, but they went for it – blammo!
Painted him blue with a coating of camo.
Getting a new guy is pretty nifty,
And it makes a break from Starscream version 50.

Prowl is white, Prowl is boring,
Prowl leaves me snoozing, snoring.
Technically though he is quite good,
But white and black make a boring hood.

White on white on white on white,
It really isn’t a pretty sight.
He makes me think, makes me mull,
Realism can be pretty dull.

Early releases had paint quite sticky,
Figures (and fingers) would end up icky.
I’ve not had this problem though,
It’s the boring colours that dealt the blow.

Always the pretty boy of the line,
Once more Sideswipe emerges looking fine.
In person he’s nicer than I thought he’d be,
This design suits him down to a tee.

With brother Sunstreaker he shares a mold,
But a  different transformation, a move quite bold.
Despite this fact he does feel unique,
Cool in car mode, and as a robot, sleek.

“Who the hell is Tankor?” I might hear you say,
Seems the name rights for Octane have gone astray.
But Octane he is, and a triple changer he be,
The effort put in is easy to see.

Jet mode is nice if a little stumpy,
Tanker mode is slightly lumpy.
Robot mode is pretty cool,
Amazing how it fits into a toy so small.

Please ignore any cries of alarm,
There’s really nothing wrong with his arm!
His head does sit a bit low on his neck,
But come on, he’s great, what the heck!

(I must add though that his ‘claw shield’ is lazy,
It’s not a decision about which I’m crazy.)

Seeing Ironhide I nearly did pass,
His altmode looks like broken glass.
Panel lines everywhere, it may sound picky,
But I wish his transformation was far less tricky.

He’s not as bad as some people say,
His gimpy Botcon form is blown away.
Big red and tough, you can say with pride,
That this toy is definitely G1 Ironhide.

Screws a-plenty litter his torso,
His head hangs rather listless also.
His weapon is dodgy, it’s on shaky turf,
Whist his blue face makes him look like a smurf.

Despite all that I really like him,
Stocky of build, mighty of limb.
His transformation is pretty clever stuff,
Ironhide is certainly no piece of fluff.

Now this is what I’m talking ‘bout, a figure really sound,
Silverstreak beats Prowl right into the hard ground.
A dash of silver on his side, matt black for his hood,
Whoever knew a robot car could look quite this good?

Pretty perfect is this toy,
A sure delight for any boy.
A figure that had me on the fence,
Is great! I need no recompense!

A blocky fire engine, dusky red,
In the comics he usually winds up dead.
Turns into a robot, Inferno’s his name
Though the feeling I get is that he is quite lame.

Don’t sweat though, he’s a kinda neat figure,
The length of his cannon leaves no room to snigger.
But he has nothing special to throw up a tizz,
Engine to robot, is that all there is?

He’s got a cannon that shoots watery missiles,
But I guess I’ve been spoilt by others bells and whistles.
And every day it makes me sadder,
That Hasbro chose to include no ladder.


  1. Splendid, I do so love a review that has a bit of flair to it.

    Well done.

    Though I do think one set to music is your next challenge!

  2. The reviews are very cool,
    And so is a scarf made of wool!