Tuesday, 7 July 2015

[Fiction] What Really Happened in the Garden of Eden

And lo, God walked Himself in the Garden of Eden and said "Adam, Eve, everything here is yours. Take and eat all that you wilt, except for this, for this is mine. Eat not of the Pop Tart, for that is my breakfast and not yours. You may partake of the muesli or the toast or the pancakes, but leave the Pop Tart alone."

Adam and Eve lived in Paradise until that fateful day when Adam was busy hunting. "Lo, Eve!" said the evil serpent. "Go on, you're peckish. Eat that Pop Tart."

"I cannot," said Eve. "For my Lord forbade me."

"He wishes to keep it to Himself!" the serpent said. "Go on, just nibble a corner. You can't have muesli again."

So Eve ate a corner. And then she thought it so delicious she ate the entire Pop Tart. And then another. And as Adam returned, he too did feast.

And the Lord returned and saw the empty box and he was enraged. And Adam and Eve were sore afraid, for they had eaten of the Pop Tart, and now had knowledge of how something could be so hot it was cool.

"My Lord!" Eve cried. "I beseech you, do not punish us! We will do the washing up!"

"Nay!" said the Lord. "You are banished from Paradise forever! Eve, I curse you with the pain and agony of childbirth! And Adam, I condemn you to never again being able to taste thy Pop Tart properly; they will either be blisteringly hot or icy cold, no matter how long you put them in the toaster for!"

And lo, the sentence was handed down, and Eve turned to Adam. "Wow, you got the crap side of that deal, sorry."


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