Tuesday, 1 September 2015

[Fiction] The five wizards from Lord of the Rings still walk the Earth to this day...


"The hour is late, and Gandalf the Grey has come at last!" Sauruman boomed in his evil wizard voice. With one hand he raised his magical staff, and in the other he pointed to the door. "Do you at least remember the magic words, Gandalf?"

"Yes, yes," Gandalf grumbled. "It's 'Do you want fries with that?'" He put on his bright red McDonalds hat and joined Saruman behind the counter. "I have been doing this for two millennia you know."

Sauruman pointed proudly at his managers badge, which displayed many stars of different colours. "Yet you have been tardy, Gandalf! Tardy! I have spied you in the back alley smoking pipeweed with those youths!"

"It's not pipeweed!" Gandalf snapped back. "It's a new magical substance. Crack cocaine or something." He took out his pipe and huffed it experimentally.

The customers started to pile in to the Isengard McDonalds. Soon the two wizards were inundated with orders. "Radaghast! Radaghast!" Saruman cried. "Where are you? This is our hour of need!" He started to swat away the fat hands of customers with his staff.

"Here I am!" Radaghast ran out of the toilets as fast as he could, his mop in one hand, face completely covered in poo. "I'm here, don't worry!" With that he slipped and fell in a deluge of sewage that skittered all across the once-clean restaurant floor.

Gandalf shook his head in disgust, looking towards the back kitchen where the two blue wizards laboured away, unseen. "Four Happy Meals!" he cried. His words were rewarded by a bundle of burgers and small cartons shoved into his hands.

Gandalf studied the cartons. Inside were carrot sticks. "No! No!" he shouted. "FRIES, YOU FOOLS!"

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